How to identify Management Consultants

A satirical guide on how to identify a management consultant
- with apologies to the many consultants who provide businesses and organisations with invaluable support!




ALL ABOUT EXPERTISE….

A shepherd is looking after his sheep on the side of a lonely hill, across which winds a narrow road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a young man, dressed in an Armani suit, Ray-Bans, Tag-Heuer watch, Cerutti shoes and a Boss tie gets out and asks the shepherd:

“If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”

The shepherd looks at the young man, and at the large flock of sheep and replies: “Okay”.

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to his mobile fax, enters the NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel files filled with pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini printer.

He turns to the shepherd and says:

“You have exactly 1,586 sheep”.

The shepherd answers: “That’s correct. You can have your choice of sheep”.

The young man takes an animal and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks:

“If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”

The young man answers: “Yes, why not?”

The shepherd says: “You’re a management consultant”.

“How did you know?” gasps the young man.

“Very simple,” answers the shepherd.

“First, you came here without being asked. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew and third, you don’t understand anything about my business. Now, can I have my dog back?”